OPERA

NO...JUST NO!!!

Somebody kill me!

I admit...I am UNCULTURED, but I am NOT a swine!

I don't have time to try to understand Opera...Nor do I have any desire to start!

ODDLY, This post has nothing to do with bodily fluids!!

YAY...

BUT...

I HATE HATE HATE when I come in for my shift, and see that we have a Opera....Even worse...

A LIVE OPERA.  

Not only do you have to 'Babysit" the projector:

Lights up

Lights down

Mid light

Intermissions

UP -- DOWN 

"too hot....too cold"

"You forgot to adjust the sound..."

ACCCKKKKKKKK!!!!

It's the PEOPLE the Opera brings in...

We call em ....."Blue Hairs"

Generally people in their late 80's...What are people THIS age even doing out...?

We legit have this one woman who comes to EVERY...SINGLE....LIVE Opera..

She is HORRIBLE.  When the other people on my team see her, they run to the back...

And guess who's left dealing with her...?

Yup.

She comes to the Guest Service desk with a list of demands...

"Are YOU the one in charge today...?"

"I want the temperature at 72....The lights at MID.  The sound at 4.5....AND DON'T YOU DARE forget the intermissions....and at the end...IF THE LIGHTS AREN'T UP....I want your name, so I can report you."

CHEESE - AND - RICE - WOMAN!

I just smile.  And Nod....And give her a name I just made up....

I'm OFF before the Opera let's out....So Yeah.  Report me Bitch!

Dip Shits.

Dip Shits are EVERYWHERE. 

I seriously deal with stupid people every single day.

My favorite -

When people want a REFUND for not liking the movie.  Yeah...Uh...NO!

You want the number to call - so you can complain...?

Here ya go...800-EAT-SHIT!

+

EDITED TO ADD:
If you come out BEFORE the movie is more than half way over...
I will work with you... As long as you don't swear at me or throw cheese.

Hobbs & Shaw

71% FRESH

Will I see it...?  Meh.  Prob not.

There are movies I get excited for, but after seeing so many...I've become kind of a movie snob.

And I just care about my time too much.

This movie is just BLAH BLAH BLAH...*Blow something up*

Jump from a helicopter...BLAH BLAH BLAH

Show off muscles....BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I'll prob skip this one.

1.....2....3.....CLEAR!

Since I have been at the theater 3 people have died.  

One Guy, just fell asleep...Didn't wake up

What a way to go!

One lady -- I think had a stroke...I wasn't there for that.

But this one dude...Prob in his 80's, just literally dropped dead, right in front of me.

I headed to work a bit early this day...

Not sure why..

And as I'm walking towards the front of the building...this old guy, just falls....

getting all twisted up in the line poles.

I rush over...Cuz, what the hell...I love drama.

I took the mans hand, and tried to talk to him.

Felt his pulse...it was there...

Told the kid at ticket drop to call 9-1-1

This guy literally squeezed my hand...Let out a huge breath

(as he did, a drop of his spit got on my lip)

And never again drew back in his air.

He was gone.

Paramedics got there and used this machine on him, that was doing chest compression's....

It was awful.   

No one in my life has ever literally died in my arms...

But this dude did....

And all HE had planned that day, was to go see a movie.

SIGH.

BooB Sweat! No Thanks.

So this lady comes to the registers to pay for her overpriced snacks.

$31.82 Please.

She took 40 bucks out from UNDERNEATH her boobs!   

UNDER PEOPLE!!!

Like she had to LIFT her ENORMOUS titties, to search for it....And dig around a bit.

I'm surprised she didn't send her kid inside her bra to help look for it.

When she gave it to me, it was all wet and crumbled up...

Uh...

I HATE MY LIFE.

COMPLAINTS

What do you think is the BIGGEST complaint we get at the theater..?

I had to think about this one a bit....Because we get A LOT of complaints!  I mean A LOT!

I always dread when I hear over the radio..."Manager to Guest Services"...Because you KNOW...there's going to be some Ass-hat there who has something negative to say.

Here are our TOP 5 complaints (In my opinion) 

* In order *

1.   BATHROOMS.  No big surprise there!  When you have 4-5000 people in a day coming into your building....Things are bound to get messy!  Heck, I have a hard time keeping up with my family here at home.

2.  TEMPERATURE.  "It's too hot."  "It's too cold."  Waa waa waaa!  Again...Can't please EVERYONE!

3.  VOLUME.  We have DOLBY ATMOS...Know what THAT means....?  IT MEANS LOUD!

I have this guy who comes in pretty frequently...With an APP on his phone, that he says shows our auditoriums are "ABUSIVELY LOUD"...

Oh yeah...and he's going to SUE ME PERSONALLY.

Go Head. Make My Day. 

4.  PRICES.  Sorry Dip Shit.  I don't control those.  And IF I did, I'd charge you double, just for being an idiot..and complaining about the prices.

(Funny thing..when I googled "idiot"...this pic popped up)

5.  OTHER PEOPLE BEING NOISY. Occasionally, someone will come out to complain about people talking during the movie.  I HATE this complaint...Because like....SERIOUSLY!?  

If you come to the movies....spend ALLLLLL that money.....

SHUT.  THE.  FUCK.  UP!

Don't ruin everyone elses experience!

There are about 100 more - But these are the most fun.

TOP TEN

You knew it was coming.  

What is the nastiest thing you have found in your theater...?

Well....Lucky You.

I Have a TOP 10 Nastiest Things I Have Found!

10

A 'pocket rocket'  - don't know what that is...??

It's a small vibrator. And I touched it.  Yeah. Ugh.

9

Used tissues.  In the cup holder...After 50 Shades of Grey.  I have learned to wear gloves...But sometimes I forget - And cleaning out the cup holders can be the WORST!  

Like...Gee...Thanks...You left a wad of napkins, that are wet with mysterious goo...Thanks!

8

 A zip lock filled with urine.
Hey guys...Don't do this.  I thought it was BUTTER....and made the mistake of unzipping the bag...and the smell of piss was overwhelming!

IF YOU HAVE TO PEE...GO TO THE TOILET!

There's a GREAT app, so you can pee and not miss any of the movie!

It's called - runpee 

GET IT!

7

Dirty diaper....that was so full, crap was overflowing....And someone was kind enough to shove it inside the recliner cracks...Ya....I was thankful for gloves!

6

Used condoms.

Yeah...People impress me.

And just so you people know...we SWEEP the theaters.  

We don't chlorox anything...so sit at your own risk.

At least it was SAFE SEX.

5

Hypodermic Needle.  In the seat crack.
COME ON PEOPLE!

4

A set of DENTURES!

I found this actually TWICE!!
I received the phone call from the one of the customers...It was funny...
"Hi...Um so I lost something in your theater lastnight....My wife doesn't know yet..but did you happen to find any teeth..?"

3

MICE MICE MICE....

Yep.  They are everywhere!  What do you expect?!  

You people and your disgustingness are the reason for them!  

You are filthy and mice love you!

One good thing though...I know EXACTLY what a rotting mouse corpse smells like, and it's most likely going to be found under your seat!

Enjoy the Show!

2

VOOOOMMMIIITTTT!

Yeah...That's pretty much everywhere too.  

I don't get it....If you're sick....STAY THE FUCK HOME!

If you're at the theater and feeling sick...
GO THE FUCK HOME!

 Know what we do for vomit...?

We just sprinkle this Magic shit all over it, to cover up the smell, then sweep the chunks up.

So this kid...chucks, right in the middle of FROZEN...

Packed theater.  Can't really do anything about it.

Just sprinkle that AMAZING Magic Gel over said vomit..and go on with the show.

READY FOR NUMBER ONE....?

If you read my other posts, you saw the LEGEND in the Pretzel Box, right...?  I mean what's COOL about that...Is that the crew still talks about it...They say things like ---
"OMG - YOU'RE THE POOP LADY?"

Yes...Yes I am...

Autographs upon request.  

Ok .. But I think THIS situation may top 'The Legend'

Ready..?

Really?

You sure..?

You may never go back to the theater again...

Ok - I'll tell you.

It's POOP related...You REALLY sure...?

It also may have a little vomit too.

My vomit.

Yeah....Because I had to CLEAN UP SOMEONES DIARRHEA ! 

BY MYSELF!

ALL OVER OUR NICE NEW RECLINERS!



ADULT DIARRHEA!
It was everywhere....UP THE BACK of the chair....In the sides...down the middle.

WHY GOD???? WHYYYYY?????